Enderts Beach and other Secluded Beaches

Bipolar and rejection?

Girl I fell in love with...Then rejected in the worst way? I went through an on and off relationship with a girl from Brazil. She fell for me first because she thought that I was very different from the "common" men who sought after her. I have my walls up because of my disorder and wanted to protect her at the same time. I eventually caved in and she had to move to Singapore for work. We stayed in contact through phone calls and a series of letters and email. I cared so much for her and it finally felt as thought my affinity was for the right reasons for the first time. She talked about possibilities about her and I and expressed her admiration for the way I write about life. Even though I knew that this long distance thing was not the most sensible of ideas, I still wanted to keep the door open and couldn't help my feelings for her. Ultimately, I flew to see her. We spent three days in Thailand on a beautiful beach and five in her apartment in Singapore. We had amazing moments and arguments as well. After my return, she started to avoid me and I started to accept her motives until an email she sent me three months later. She wrote that I had a beautiful outlook on life and a particular way. She also wrote that "common" people do not understand me and that I was a stranger in my place. That I had done more for her than any other man but that her world was far more rational than mine. Well, this absolutely devastated me and I cannot elaborate without going into too much detail. It broke my heart in the worst of ways and now I feel like ,after all the trials that I have overcome and to finally accept my disposition as I am, I must find myself again. I cannot put into words how this hurts. I feel like I need to tell her why it hurt me so badly. Mind you, I did not have mood swings on this trip. In fact, she was evaluating my every move as I wanted to take in all the beautiful sites, then she made me feel like I didn't fit in with all of her friends and coworkers. I accepted her as she analyzed my every word. She told me thank you as I left as to say that I "failed my test". I thought that she already knew me. Guys, I need advice as to what to do. I have tried so many things in my life to put this away yet it cuts so deep. I had walls up for a reason and am now unbelievably insecure about relationships and my own self perception. I came so far to get my confidence where it was prior to this experience and did not let criticism bother me, but because I was so invested in this person it won't stop circling around to grieving stage one in my mind. I know this seems so over analyzed yet this is what it did to me.

Public Comments

walls are good to have. educate yourself about bipolar and learn to live with it happily. I have bipolar and I've recently learned that God let me have it for a reason. To help others with it. I've learned through relationships and a marriage that trying to find happiness in a relationship isn't healthy. You need to know yourself and be happy with yourself before you can dive into a relationship. She sounds okay but not for you. Learn to get over her and stop thinking about it. Move on.
Dear One, This is what happens when we put someone up on a pedestal. If they say we are not worthy, then we feel we are not worthy. Never let anyone have such control over you. You have placed your very soul into their hands for the keeping. I have been hurt very badly also. I will never let anyone reign over my self-confidence or self-worth. If they treat me badly, I will not treat myself badly in return. I would leave this person and move on. If you are having trouble moving on, then the rejection must go back into your past, perhaps into childhood. You are the only one who knows this. Grieve as long as you must, but move on to people who do love and care about you. Get involved with your own life and you will improve. Learn whatever lesson there is to learn from this relationship and move on. Take care and good luck.