Enderts Beach and other Secluded Beaches

How's my grammar for my online class introduction?

Hey everybody! My name is Chase (it says James but my name is Chase - I've always gone by "Chase" since day 1 - long story) and I am 19-years-old, turning 20-years-old next month on July 12th! : ) To be honest, I have no idea what I want to be; for some reason I haven't had a "true" calling but I'll find it sooner or later hopefully. I was also born in Crescent City, CA and moved to Ukiah when I was 2-years-old, but I've visited Crescent City and Smith River ever since I was little 'cause it's like a second and third home to me. Crescent City and Smith River are both beautiful places; they're surrounded by the ocean and both towns are really small but are truly breathtaking. I know this may sound far-fetched and all, but I would love to be a best-selling author; writing is something very important to me and I am currently writing three books as well. It's definitely a tough business - being an author - but hopefully I can break into it somehow, some way. And lastly, I would LOVE to visit The United Kingdom because it has so much history and it truly is a beautiful place with all the classic architecture and history. ------------ Is it bad or good? It's for my English 200 class. : /

Public Comments

1. It's good. I do however have a couple of pointers. I wouldn't write "turning 20-years-old next month", I would just put "turning 20 next month" - you don't need to emphasise the years old again. Also I wouldn't abbreviate "because" in this sentence "Crescent City and Smith River ever since I was little 'cause it's like a second and third home to me." Other than that, cool :-)
2. It's actually quite good. But I wouldn't use 'cause - it would be much better as because. Also I would remove "and all" from the first sentence of the 4th paragraph. I hope you get to visit the UK at some point. You are right about the history and architecture - it's absolutely everywhere. I'm lucky enough to actually live there.
3. It's pretty good! There's a few little nit-picky things you could change e.g. you are a 19-year-old or you are 19 years old without the hyphens. May I edit your grammar for you, but without re-writing so leaving it in your own words? My name is Chase (it says James but my name is Chase - I've gone by this name since Day One - long story!) and I am 19 years old, turning 20 next month on July 12th. To be honest, I have no idea what I want to be; for some reason I haven't had a 'true calling' but I'll find it sooner or later, I hope. I was born in Crescent City, California, and moved to Ukiah when I was two, but I've re-visited Crescent City and also Smith River ever since I was little because [or "so" ?] they're like a second and third home to me. Crescent City and Smith River are beautiful places, right on the ocean, and both towns are really small but truly breathtaking. [note: if they were "surrounded" by the ocean they'd be islands. Smith River on the map looks as if it's inland - you'd know better than I! but just watch for accuracy. Maybe "right by the ocean"?] This may sound far-fetched but I would love to be a best-selling author. Writing is very important to me, and I'm currently working on three books. It's definitely a tough business, being an author, but I hope I can break into it somehow, some way [or some way, some day]. And last, I would truly love to visit the United Kingdom because of its history, beauty, and architecture. One note: You say you've no idea what you want to be, and you also say you'd love to be a writer. ? Good luck!
4. Delete "years old" after 20. Superfluous wording. Since you say later in your missive that you want to be a writer, delete the second para about not knowing what you want to be. Delete "also" in first sentence of third para. By saying "I was also born...." implies that you were born in two places. You don't need the dashes in "2-years-old" In naming two places you need to use "they are" instead of "it's", and then pluralise "home". Use "because" instead of 'cause. Are Crescent City and Smith River on an island? If not, they cannot be surrounded by the ocean. Delete "and all" from the first sentence in para 4. Delete "as well" from the first sentence in the fourth para. unless you are writing three books in addition to doing something else. I applaud your use of the semi-colon!